He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
