I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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