I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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