She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
