If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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