If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
