There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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