Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
