So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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