I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
