1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
