Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
