thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
