Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
