I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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