just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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