the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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