i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
