Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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