I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
