If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
