just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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