you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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