fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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