dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
