i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
