That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
