Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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