love makes seman taste better
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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