Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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