The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
