and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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