do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
