You're my little dorito
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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