I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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