Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
