SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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