she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
