Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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