dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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