There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
