I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
