hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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