everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
