I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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