Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
