Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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