im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
