It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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