What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
