She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
