Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
