she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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