Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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